Midwestern Belle

Random Blogging...September 15

Two weeks ago, I was back in California, enjoying Disneyland, Hollywood, and American Girl dolls. I was relatively happy. However, since I returned, I'm moody, as usual.

I'll be open with this one -- yeah, I miss someone. Moreover, it's a guy -- and that's the most I'll hint. Also, I'm angrily jealous that every relative or friend of his gets to spend time with him and I can't! These people get to see him and be tangible to him, while I'm in the Windy City! Why I did I move to Chicago, then? I ask myself the same question. Well, when I left, I hope I would change. Though, I've changed naturally and physically -- emotionally, old feelings die hard.

I heard last night that Patrick Swayze has died. I'm disappointed to heard that. I really thought he would come out of it, but like Farrah Fawcett, he died trying. God bless, him.

I found out that my ex is dating another girl. Initially, I was a little surprised, but I'm not jealous unlike with the first person I mentioned. Why? Well, when I think back to our relationships, I wasn't in love with him. It wasn't a crush. The first time, I really attracted to mostly other women who I couldn't have, and I got with him to snap out of it. I thought it would help me revert as the Caroline others remember or thought of me to as. However, I was depressed and somewhat vanished, leaving him heartbroken. The second time, I wanted to just get married and have children...along with escaping feelings for other people again and the reputation of being "confused" to many people. I did grow more fond of him shortly after and felt like a failure when he dumped me. However, my feelings weren't pure...I feelings were corrupted and I wanted to get something, run away from something else, and show everyone that I can maintain a long relationship. I could never do it, again. Well, that's all I will say about that.

Last, I did have something to say to other...a surprise. However, I will say it later.

posted by Carrie @ 10:33 AM